my life is a series of events that involve me shooting myself in the foot
i am literally like some kind of menstruating banshee right now holy shit
so depressed today wwhat the actual fuck….
i had this moment of oh shit. i’m never going to see you ever again. you’ll be dead. and that is all i will have ever said. the thing that hurts is that every moment, every time you have something to tell me, i know that you could be gone, and i believe that is whats going to come down upon me like a wave. my emotions tangle and begin to create a giant mass in my chest. they begin to grow and flower like some kind of weed i never asked for. that i’ve tried to kill for so many years every time it began to bud. and now that i’ve finally let my guard down, finally let it free, you could be gone in a second. and by gone. i mean, gone.
depleted. discarded. dismembered.
erotache said: HAPPY BIRTHDAY BBY
I LUV U!!!!!!
i feel so powerless and small, when i think about how weak i was. how every day, i act like i can take care of myself. stand up for myself. like if something bad ever happened to me i would get angry and fix it with rage. get myself out of any situation without the help of anyone. and it makes me sick to think i can say one thing and yet do the other.
how in a state of bewilderment there is nothing that you can do. i don’t know why i just accepted it, i don’t understand what i was doing. why didn’t i fight. why didn’t i do what i always said i’d do. what i do when someone gawks at me or whistles at me in a way that makes me uncomfortable. yell and swear and tell them to get fucked. where was she when i needed her. where was i when i needed to be myself, to be her.
now i truly understand how something can twist inside your stomach like it is alive. and in the night slide up your throat and choke you
how can i be bought off like an animal, like cattle. like i was bribed into not caring and accepting it for what it was. it makes me feel so sick.
i wish i was back home and could have a cuddle from my housemates and my pepper dawg, not this home. because it not longer feels like my home. victoria is not my home anymore
Anonymous said: Thank you so much im actually going to spend the whole night scrolling through your likes I hope to god it's there. I'm okay and everything I just miss said person so much it never really goes away even though it's been a long time and everything is so different now... I am undoubtedly one of the people you are thinking of and I miss you heaps too and will never stop thinking of you xxxxxxxxxxxx
if you are fjkghsdlfjghlsdkjghsdkjfhgsfkdjhldhsjhgksdhfg is there any way i can contact you? i miss you a lot and miss your wisdom. also im sorry it’s not there, did you make it to the end of the posts :( xxxxxxx i hope things are different for the better